“You are not good enough. You are fucking up. Why don’t you have self-control around sweet treats like a normal person?! You are so weak. You are unsuccessful because you don’t make [a certain amount of] money. Your cellulite is gross. You don’t always say nice things to yourself – what a hypocrite!”
These are just a few of the insults that I hurl at myself on a weekly basis. It starts with one negative comment in passing, innocently enough. It doesn’t stop there, though. Soon that one negative comment is followed by another, and another, and another. Before long it turns into a rapidly rolling snowball of negative self-talk.
This is what I call The Shit-Storm of Negativity.
Truthfully, negative self-talk is the #1 self-love struggle in my life. It is something that I have to work on every damn day. As a recovering perfectionist, I spent nearly 20 years telling myself that I wasn’t good enough (smart enough, nice enough, beautiful enough, successful enough, liked enough…). Two decades worth of doing the same exact thing countless times a day – yeah, that is a hard habit to break.
The truth is that we’ve all been there. We’ve all sat around and said crappy things to ourselves – things we would likely never say to another person. I’m not justifying this habit of ours, but there is a comfort in knowing we are not alone. The two biggest challenges I hear from clients is negative self-talk and a lack of support and community. However, we continue to hide our negative self-talk in a cloud of shame. We don’t share our struggles. Instead, we struggle alone, ashamed of our secret self-talk challenges.
That stops today.
The good news is that The Shit-Storm of Negativity doesn’t have to be so shitty. These days I still experience negative self-talk daily, but I relate to it differently. I used to believe it to be true. I accepted it as fact. Today, I recognize that I am not my thoughts. While I may think that I am not good enough, smart enough, successful enough, deep down I know this is not true. I have the tools to separate who I am from the thoughts that I think.
You, my beautiful, vibrant friend, are not your thoughts either. You are not the negative shit you say about yourself. You are so much more amazing than your thoughts give you credit for.
If what we desire is to calm the negative self-talk and feel the love and support of our community, then we owe it to ourselves to bring our desires to life. We are a Tribe for a reason. We are here because we value the love and support of our fellow females doing the hard work to love and appreciate themselves, too. I encourage you to bring words to your struggle. In the beautiful words of Brene Brown, “Shame cannot survive being spoken.” As soon as you bring words to your struggle (in a safe, supportive community), shame can no longer live on. We are your Tribe. We are here to support you. Please share with us on our Facebook Forum, in the comments below, and in our live Tribe Call this month.
For this month’s Tribe Member Action Guide, I’m bringing you my most powerful practices for calming negative self-talk and shifting your perspective to the positive. It isn’t going to be easy, but that’s okay. It will most definitely be worth it. I know because I live it too. Every single day, I live this struggle and every single day I use these tools to come back to the greater truth that I am enough exactly as I am in this moment.
Become a Tribe Member today to access my personal tools for calming negative self-talk! Become a Tribe Member HERE. Want the action guide? Contact us HERE with your name, email, and a sweet message about why you want the guide!